and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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