And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
