I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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