everyone is single if you try hard enough
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
