Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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