She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
