So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
