I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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