I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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