um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
