I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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