Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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