shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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