dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
