Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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