I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
