It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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