do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
