i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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