She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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