I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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