I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
