I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
