no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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