uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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