i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
