Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
