Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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