I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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