y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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