so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
