maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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