My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
