It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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