Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
