she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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