Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
