you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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