She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
