Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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