Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
