What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
