When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
