woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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