yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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