If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
