why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
