i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
