I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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