youre lurking in front of me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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