i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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