We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
