I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
