You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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