i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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