can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
