i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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