That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
