Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
