This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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