she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
