It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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