How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
