i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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