just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
