So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
