My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
