I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
