he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
