fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
