dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
