just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
