Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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