this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
