Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
