dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
