so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
