Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
