ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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