The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
