The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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