ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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