Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
