I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
